she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
high people should be assigned attendants
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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