you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
