she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize