You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Randomize
