I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
