Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
