my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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