Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Randomize
