Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Do you still have your period?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Randomize
