Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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