There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
