The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
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