At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
