so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
