I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
my liver is dry heaving
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
