Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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