so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
