I could have mohawked her pubes.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
