i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
