my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
