when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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