He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
