my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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