im six kinds of drunk right now
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
