I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
MIDGETS
????
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
