what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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