Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize