Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
