Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
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