Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize