he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
