wat bout pragnant strippers??
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
