do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
