I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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