I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
