he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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