I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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