You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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