I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
