I just saw a hot homeless man
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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