And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
