were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
