maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
So apparently I’m into choking now
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
