I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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