So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I smell like Dick and happiness
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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