Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
