I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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