Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
