I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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