4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
