Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
so let's talk penis.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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