drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize