I think scott just propositioned me for sex
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
