I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
