marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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