dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
