It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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