you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
