I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
