marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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