Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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