I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
