Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
