a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
barbara walters just said penis...
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
sex in a hospital.. check
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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