So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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