i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
