My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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