I will die if light touches me.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
