do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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