mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
