No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
