Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
