it was like his penis was on wheels.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
