Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
