I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
