I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
