I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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