it's too hot outside to masturbate.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
