HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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