Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
