i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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