Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
