So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
