He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
the raccoons are back...
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