I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
