My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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