You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize