well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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