oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
