Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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