i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
