dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize