Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
