Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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